Breaking
by Memories Left Abandoned
Summary: Riley looks back on all the time he's ever spent with Ben. Slash.
1. Riley

A/N: I have no idea what I'm writing. It's late and I'm a little overtired, but the plot bunnies attack. (…Where did that phrase come from anyway?)

Summary: Riley thinks back on all the time he's ever spent with Ben. Slash.

**Disclaimer: NT—nt mine. RWE—also nt mine. (pun intended)**

I remember reading something in high school by Ralph Waldo Emerson that said "To be great is to be misunderstood." It also said something about how even if what you say today is completely the opposite of what you say tomorrow, you should speak both as boldly as possible.

This is Benjamin Gates in a nutshell.

He was more passionate than anyone I've ever met in my life, that's for certain. From the moment I met him, I was consumed in the treasure—and not because I had any personal stock in it at all. The way he told the story captivated me, made me want to help… He pretty much had me convinced to join his crazy crusade in three sentences.

The first was "Are you Riley Poole?"

My response: "Yes…"

The second, "You're good with computers, right?"

My response: "Of course."

The third, "Can I offer you a job?"

And I was hooked. He hadn't even told me about the treasure yet.

It was strange at first, working with a bunch of people I'd never met. I instantly distrusted Ian and his… friends? Cronies is a better word. But Ben I liked. He was crazy, yes, but it wasn't a bad crazy.

Somewhere between his finding me and our discovery of the Charlotte, we became friends. We could talk about stuff, you know? A lot of the time it was just him talking history that was way over my head, but it felt nice that he confided in me. By the time Ian and cronies blew up the Charlotte, we were best friends. It risked his life for me, and no one had ever done that before.

So despite my fears of being arrested and getting killed, I helped him steal the Declaration of Independence. To date, the riskiest thing I've ever done, and the worst driving I'd ever imagined. I had my doubts, but the thing about best friends is that even when the other comes to you with the most hair-brained idea you've ever heard, you do it anyway.

We escaped police officer after FBI agent, but when I saw him in custody, I was more terrified than I had been even when Shaw was pointing the gun at my hand. When Abigail suggested we contact Ian, I practically threw the phone at her. Anything to save him.

We made it out alive—somehow—and Ian was arrested. Everything was happy and I had a Ferrari. That was a nice touch. But somehow I still couldn't get over the fact that just three months after they'd met, Abigail and Ben were living together. It bothered me more than it should have.

About there is where I realized I had deeper feelings than just friends. I said nothing, of course—it was obvious he loved Abigail. And I didn't have a problem with that. She made him happy, and I guess that's what I wanted.

Except that, when he was with her, he never saw me. He sort of threw me aside for her, and I really hated that. I kept reminding myself that he was happy. But honestly, when he did see me and told me that she'd kicked him out, I was ecstatic. I realized that the only reason he was even talking to me was because he needed something computer-related, but he was talking to me nonetheless.

Then we went to Paris, and I got a ticket while he kissed the police officer's ass, and then we went to London, and then Abigail was there again. Damn her. Could she not leave him alone?

And again, she replaced me. I could tell Ben missed her when she wasn't there, and I understood. I think. Sometimes you'll do anything to be with the one you love.

It hurt when I figured out that he'd never read my book. That was when I really understood that I was just a pawn, easily replaced. But I bit my lip and forced a smile, and then he wanted to kidnap the President. I wanted to prove my worth, and I instantly volunteered.

And then crazy Mitch almost got us all killed in Cibola. I was absolutely terrified when Ben volunteered to stay behind. And I knew that he was volunteering because Mitch was holding a knife to Abigail's neck, and I couldn't help but wondering…

If the knife was being held to my neck, would he have cared?

The thought was dismissed as soon as it flickered into my mind, but for that instant I wondered.

Ben and Abigail got back together. So did Patrick and Emily. So I was the only single one, the only one suffering alone. Awesome.

In the end, I think, it wouldn't have mattered to Ben if I stayed or not. Without telling anyone, I packed up my stuff and left Washington, returning home to Seattle. It was rainy as hell there.

He called me a few times. The first I wasn't home, and he left me a message wondering where I'd gone. The next few times I just didn't answer. I didn't want to talk to him, really. He eventually stopped calling.

I heard he proposed to Abigail. It was all over the news, and I couldn't escape it. I sort of wanted to puke. But I got over that part, I guess.

What I couldn't get over is him. Still, I loved him, and it was stupid and I couldn't get it to go away. Eventually I stopped trying. I got a dead-end job doing computer work and I still live in Seattle.

I think about him all the time. It's sort of hard not to, considering that he's always plastered all over the news. But I try like hell to forget.

And I know I never will.

A/N: I just decided this will be a two-parter. Ben is next, of course.

…**leave a review?**


	2. Ben

A/N: The title of this story is a song called "Breaking" by Anberlin. Great song, and it suits the story perfectly. (I would have included that last chapter but I didn't name it until they asked me to.) The RWE I used in the last chapter was from "Self-Reliance." We read it in English this year. (I would have included that last chapter but I forgot to.) Moving on to this chapter.

You know how sometimes you can just look at someone and know they're going to be your friend? That was what happened with Riley Poole. He's certifiably insane, to be certain—he can hack into literally anything, consumes more caffeine than I would have thought possible without death, and cries when we watch chick flicks. But he's the insane you love, the insane that even when he's at his most annoying, it's sort of funny and cute.

I found him crammed into a tiny cubicle in a dull gray office building. The company had been recommended to me for the purposes, which, in this case, were to find a person who knew technology really well. Who better for the job?

I could instantly see that he hated his job, which was probably why he agreed to quit so quickly, without a glance backward. The history, I could tell, was mostly beyond him, but he sat through it anyway.

Ian, I knew, wouldn't like him. Ian pretty much hated anyone who was the slightest bit superior in any area. But we needed him, and Ian knew that, so he didn't say anything to me.

Strangely, the kid and I became friends. He stayed up with me (thanks to his good friend caffeine) when I was on late night research kicks, and we talked a lot. I think sometimes I bored him, but he never let on. He was grateful for the chance to be doing something that was completely boring, and it gave me someone to talk to, which was nice.

It didn't surprise me that Ian immediately turned the gun on him in the cargo hold. I couldn't think of anything better to do, so I lit the flare in a desperate attempt to save both our lives. I later realized that it was at this exact moment we became best friends, and it was probably about the time I started to feel for him.

When we got back to Washington and met Abigail, I had to admit she was gorgeous. But I was so distracted by the Declaration, I wasn't really thinking about her at the time. I sort of felt bad for dragging him into my law-breaking, but I needed him, because I certainly couldn't do it alone, and he didn't seem to mind too much once he realized it was actually possible.

I was worried when we had to split up, but I had to believe everything would be okay, and it wasn't, of course. Sadusky, the bastard, had caught me, and the other two had lost the Declaration. When Ian and Shaw offered me the chance to escape custody, I couldn't refuse. What did I have to lose? And I knew he was involved somehow- he knew the line about Edison.

It was a relief to hear Abigail's voice, and a bigger relief to hear his, which I didn't understand. Then they were caught and they had to go down the stairs, and I was terrified and confused, and that's why I kissed Abigail. I liked her, to be sure, but I think I was trying to suppress my feelings for someone else…

We made it out alive, as usual, and we found the treasure. I got together with Abigail, because I couldn't see another choice at the time. I couldn't say anything to him, so I didn't. And honestly, I avoided him. I didn't want to chance saying something wrong, so I didn't say anything at all. The book… I couldn't read it. It was too much of him, when I hadn't seen him in so long. I put it in a drawer and tried to forget.

Then Abigail kicked me out, and I needed to get back in, and I needed to see him. He was happy as ever to see me, and didn't see to hold my being an asshole against me. So we went to Paris, and he did something amazing with a helicopter that got him a ticket, then we went to London… and Abigail was back. She really couldn't leave me alone, could she?

I felt terrible when I had to confess I'd never read the book, and couldn't even give a reason. He tried to hide it, but I knew he was disappointed, and upset, and so many other emotions that I deserved. And he volunteered to help me kidnap the President without thinking when everyone else hesitated.

Cibola. Mitch almost killed Abigail, and I couldn't not save her, right? She was still my friend. He had a strange look on his face when I volunteered to stay behind, and I wanted to say it then. It was on the tip of my tongue… and then something hit me and I was rushed out, so Mitch ended up staying anyway.

I got back together with Abigail. I couldn't say what I wanted to say, and I needed a distraction. She was good at that, and I think that somewhere in her she understood. My parents got back together, too. He was alone, and everyone else had someone.

I was going over to his place that night. I had resolved to tell him everything… but he was gone. Frantic, I searched his apartment, and I called everyone else to ask if they knew. But in my heart I knew he was long gone.

I called. Desperate, frenzied calls. I left him a voicemail the first time, but he never responded. I realized that I had hurt him too deeply… that he had felt the same way. I stopped calling.

I was heartbroken, but I couldn't let that show. I proposed to Abigail, and she said yes. But I never stopped loving him. I never got over it. Abigail knew, and she said that it was alright, but I knew it wasn't, because I had fucked up everything I ever had with him, and I knew I was completely to blame.

He's always on my mind, still. I still think about what I did wrong. But I hope that someday, maybe by chance, I'll see him again.

And I know I never will.

A/N: And I just decided it was a three-parter, because I can't bear to leave Riley in this miserable state. Ben, maybe, Riley, definitely not.

…**review?**


	3. Breaking

A/N: For some reason, my bold is only working on occasion. Not sure why that is… anyway. I wrote this entire story last night (yeah, I had major plot-bunny-induced insomnia), and I was really worried that it sucked when no one had reviewed, and then I got back from going to the store for an hour, and I had three reviews! Those three reviews made my day, so I feel the need to tell those people how much I love them. A) Angelic Prophecy. Thanks for the compliments =D This is definitely the most I've ever gotten characters in-character, and it's not even canon! B) BandGeek58407. I didn't even realize I was Abigail-bashing until you typed that, and then I laughed because apparently my subconscious is telling me I hate Abigail. Thanks for the review! C) XxMemories4everxX. Thanks!

**Okay, finally moving onto the story… part three!  
**

Five years later… Ben

Nothing had changed, even after five years. I tried to keep a normal life. Wake up, shower, get dressed, eat breakfast, go to work, work extraordinarily late hours, go home, dream… of him. Always nightmares. I have woken myself out of a sound sleep innumerable times yelling.

It was a Tuesday night. It was past midnight, and I was finally heading home. He--the dream he--had haunted me all day. He had died—Ian had shot him below Trinity Church, and with no medical equipment, we couldn't save him. Completely lost in thought, I hardly noticed a semi running a red light, and with a deafening crunch, I realized it had hit me on my side.

Time moved very, very slowly. I saw lights, and then I looked to my left and saw the grill of the truck.

Pain takes its time. I then realized my arm was throbbing painfully, and I saw bones sticking out of my skin.

Nausea then hit, and when I put my fingers to my forehead, I realized I was bleeding.

For a few, tortuous moments, I saw his face floating above me with a smile.

And then it was black.

Riley

Five years, and nothing had changed. The same routine every day. Get up, get dressed, Starbuck's, go to work, work all day, get home, eat dinner, watch the news, take a shower, go to bed, dream… of him. Sometimes they're pleasant, and sometimes they're nightmares. Either way, I wake up each morning with his face burning in my memory, preserved perfectly despite our extended absence.

It was a Wednesday morning. The middle of the week. My routine was the same as every morning. It had been a nightmare last night… he had been crushed by the door in Cibola. I was trying not to think about it as I waited for my coffee. There was an unusual crowd of people around the TV that day. I wandered over to watch.

"…famous treasure hunter Benjamin Gates was involved in a car accident last night. He is said to be in serious condition."

My breathing was labored, coming in jagged rasps. I felt like I'd been punched in the gut. I couldn't even form coherent thoughts. The other customers were starting to stare, and one suggested calling an ambulance.

Just as the barista called my order, I sprinted—flew, really—out the door, too busy to notice my tears stinging and mingling with the constant rain.

Ben

I woke up sporadically a number of times. First was in the ambulance, and for the two seconds I could keep my eyes open, I saw extremely worried faces.

Next I was in a hospital bed. I saw Abigail, crying, and the doctors hustling about. As I retreated back to sleep, I thought I heard someone yell "Code blue!"

Then I dreamt. Of him, of course. But for the first time in five years, these dreams were peaceful. Happy, even. At first, I was worried, but then I realized that any good dream of him couldn't be bad… I hoped.

It once flickered across my mind that if I did die, I would never have said goodbye.

Riley

The plane ride was pure torture. I jittered from the moment I boarded, partly from anxiety, and partly from fear of planes. I'm fairly certain my teeth were chattering.

"Excuse me dear," said the flight attendant. She was an older lady, and he fought back the urge to glare at her. "You seem awfully nervous. Would you like a sleeping pill?"

I considered this for a moment. Then I realized that my nightmares would probably resurface… "No thank you. May I have a water though?"

She nodded and handed me one before hustling away.

My hands were shaking. I really needed a distraction. I had my iPod…

I practically threw open my backpack and grabbed it violently. I jammed the headphones in my ear and put it on shuffle.

Somebody to Love… no.

Livin' On A Prayer… no.

Feels Like Tonight… definitely not.

Why did I download all these stupid love songs?

I yanked the headphones out of my ear and threw the device back in my bag. The passenger next me to scooted to the far edge of his seat.

You've gotta relax, I said to myself. I took a few calming breaths and closed my eyes. To my dismay, he was lurking behind my lids. "Damnit!" I cursed, too loudly. The people around me whispered amongst themselves.

Whatever, I thought. I grabbed my bag again and rummaged through it, looking for something—anything—to distract me. I found a book… "Common Sense." I almost lost it there, but I threw it back in my bag and tried not to think. The only other book I found was my own.

Good God, had I last used this five years ago?

Whatever, I thought again. I flipped open to a random chapter and was finally settling down when—

"Oh my God, you're Riley Poole!"

Sure, no one walking the streets of Seattle recognized me. Random stranger on a plane… sure.

I glanced over my book at the voice.

"You were that treasure hunter's sidekick!" Ben Gates! Wasn't he in a really bad car accident?"

I had to bite my lip to keep the tears from falling. "I'm not who you think I am."

And it was so true.

Ben

The first time I really woke up, I knew I was awake because he was gone. I couldn't decide if I was happy I was alive or sad he was gone.

I made a weak noise of discomfort. Abigail flew to my side, tears already falling.

"Ben, you're alive!" she whispered, and then proceeded to bury her face in my chest. I patted her with my un-casted arm.

"What happened?" I asked weakly.

"You were hit by a semi last night on your way from work."

I nodded—that much I knew.

"You were rushed to the hospital and you almost died—oh, Ben," and she cried into my chest once more.

"I'm not dead," I told her. "I'm still here."

"Please," she begged, her face muffled by my chest. "Just tell me you're going to be okay."

"I'm going to be okay," I promised. I felt myself fading back into sleep…

Riley

Deep, calming breaths, I thought. In-2-3, out-2-3.

But it became increasingly harder to breathe when I pictured his broken body lying in a hospital, dead, for all I knew, while I was waiting to get my bags checked.

The shaking had started again, but it was my entire body this time instead of just my hands. I was freaking out, and I knew that if I didn't get through the line soon I would either scream at someone or collapse from a nervous breakdown.

Every scene played through his mind, significant or not. He couldn't stand the thought of not being able to say goodbye…

Finally, _finally,_ I got through the line. I was full out sprinting towards the doors.

I'm coming, I whispered. I'm coming.

Ben

I had no idea if I was awake.

At first, I thought I was, because I saw Abigail almost asleep on my chest. But then I heard a shout… it belonged to someone familiar…

"Ben!" I heard the voice say. It was him, definitely, but it had to be a dream, he was gone…

But, in my dreams, he had looked happy… he didn't look happy…

"Ben!" he cried again. He rushed to my side and I felt him clutching my hand desperately. "Ben, please still be alive, please, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…" his rants turned into sobs and he gripped my hand harder.

"Hey," I managed. I was surprised by the crack in my voice.

He looked up, into my eyes, and in one fluid motion his lips were on mine, in a desperate attempt to prove I was still alive. Definitely _not _a dream.

"I'm so sorry I left," he muttered against my lips, "I shouldn't have left, I'm sorry-"

"It was my fault," I responded. "I'm so sorry I treated you like crap, I acted like such an ass-"

He cut me off with another kiss, the salty taste of his tears mixing with the flavor of his lips.

I heard a small sigh from in front of his face, and I realized Abigail hadn't left.

His eyes followed the cast down my arm until he reached my hand.

"Shit," he whispered at first. Then he yelled, "**Shit!**" he cursed, turning around and pounding his fists against the wall. "How could I forget?"

"Calm down Riley!" Abigail yelled, crossing the room in two steps and grabbing his hands. "Look at me, _look at me!_"

When he finally tore his gaze off the floor I felt a pang of guilt at the look no his face."

"We're not married, Riley."

For a moment he stood, dumbfounded. "You have rings-"

"It's a façade. I married Conor. Remember him? We took wedding photos but we're not married."

I watched the emotions play across his face. Anger, guilt, sadness. "Why?"

"It wouldn't look good if we had broken it off, would it?" she asked gently. "The press would have been all over it. Besides, he knew all along."

He bit his lip and glanced at me. "I'm sorry," I started. "I knew but I was afraid, and I'm sorry for being a coward, it was my fault for treating you like shit. I was trying to avoid what I knew was right."

A sudden realization dawned on him. "That summer… my book?"

"I was avoiding you so I wouldn't stay anything stupid that I thought I would regret," I muttered, ashamed. "And the book was too much of you for me to handle when I hadn't seen you in so long."

He sat carefully on the edge of my bed and placed a hand in mine.

"I thought I wouldn't be able to say goodbye," he admitted.

"Me either," I said quietly.

For a few minutes he was quieter than I had ever seen him. It occurred to me that he had changed since his departure.

At some point Abigail excused herself, and he looked down at me, biting his lip again. "I know it's early to be saying this or whatever," he said, fidgeting, "but I'm pretty sure I love you."

"I love you, too," I whispered.

And it was quiet again.

_Fin_

A/N: Alright. This was a crap-load happier that I thought it would be. But I really, really couldn't handle leaving Riley so sad. It kills me to see him sad.

…**review, please?**


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